Online Love?

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Nadedepress na naman ako sa mga pangyayari sa aking buhay. Kauuwi ko lang galing eskwelahan at kailangan ko pa rin harapin ang walang kamatayang school works kahit sa tahanan namin. Hindi naman sa nagrereklamo ako, pagod lang talaga ako. Sa hindi malamang dahilan, normal na talaga ang mapressure sa eskwelahan kahit iwasan mo ang ganung pakiramdam. Tanging hiling ko lang naman ay simpleng inspirasyon na kayang sabayan ako at itulak patungo sa tamang lugar na aking tatahakin. Yung bang parang simpleng ngiti lang niya, non verbal man alam mo agad na suportado ka niya.

Pagkadating ko sa amin, nagbihis agad ako at niyaya na agad akong kumain ni Inay ng hapunan para daw matapos ko nang maaga ang mga gawain ko at hindi na muling magpuyat. Nagtatampo na kasi ang kama ko at konting oras ko lang siya nahihigaan araw-araw. Pagkatapos kong kumain, binuksan ko agad ang aming computer at sinimulan ang pagreresearch. Makalipas ang ilang minuto, hindi ako nakatiis at nag online ako sa Facebook account ko. Hinanap ko na agad ang profile niya at natunghayan ko na naman ang napaka ganda niyang ngiti. Sa tuwing pagod ako, sakto lang ang profile picture niya para magpahulas sa tinatahak kong digmaan. Kahit hanggang picture lang niya sapat na para mag-suporta sa akin at magsilbing inspirasyon para magpatuloy sa aking pakikipaglaban sa takbo ng aking buhay. Siya lang kasi ang nagpapakilig sa akin sa ngayon, at kahit hindi niya ako ganung kakilala, ayos lang ang mahalaga masaya ako at kilala ko siya. Naranasan niyo na ba yun? Ang mahulog sa isang taong hindi mo pa naman nakikita at nakakasama. Ang ma-fall sa finofollow mo sa twitter o sa TUMBLR at magkagusto sa taong sa Facebook mo pa lang na-meet at nakausap, sa taong hindi mo pa naman nakilala ng husto. Posible ba talaga yun? Na kahit sa mga simpleng paraan na yun masaya ka. Alam kong mali kasi hindi ko pa naman siya nakikita o hindi ko nga alam kung totoo ba siya. Hindi ko alam kung pag-ibig na nga ba ang nararamdaman ko sa kanya- sabi nga ng kaibigan ko, Online Love daw. Posible ba talaga yun? Abnormal ba yun? Ako lang ba ang nakakaranas nun? Pero anong magagawa ko? Kapag nakikita ko siyang online, tumitibok nang tripleng beses ang puso ko.

Alam kong isa siya sa mala-pantasyang parte ng aking pag-iisip at kailanman, walang posibilidad na mapasama sa realidad ng aking buhay. Pinundot ko ang pangalan niya sa chatlist at susubukang i-pm pero pinanghinaan ako ng loob. Tiningnan ko na lang uli ang profile niya bago ako mag-log out. Sapat na iyon bilang lakas para ipagpatuloy ang tambak kong gawain. Hanggang doon lang naman iyon eh at wala akong nakikitang masama sa ganoong bagay. Pinagpatuloy ko ang aking gawain habang nakatatak pa rin sa aking isipin ang kanyang ngiti at kislap ng kanyang mga mata.

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