Sad sad tears

I have always been a little bit uncomfortable during Valentine's Day. I mean come on, who would not roll their eyes when they see some sweetness around them (too suddenly, on that day) especially when you're single. If there would be a politically made day or some traditional day, this could be (for me) the corniest one and a little bit illogical though appreciated. I can say sometimes, there comes a point in my life that I was really bitter for this day considering I haven't received a bouquet of roses or expecting anything since day 1 of my life. I mean who would not love roses and chocolates even though it's cliche, who would not appreciate valentine's day if there would be someone to celebrate it with, who would not celebrate it if people will not question you if you suddenly do some grand gesture for a special someone? Maybe people who doesn't have something to receive, to celebrate with and a special someone and that just describes me. But believe me, since the day I've become quite understanding of such social date, I've got used to its feel and been through a situation wherein I would say: "Love is in the air and I don't care" and right now, maybe I was too immune that I don't really care. I don't find it ridiculous, I respected it but I really don't care in a respectful way.


Starts here my personal story (or rant)...Observe how I convey my points of view of the day through my troubles.

I know it's Valentine's day and I am really anxious not because its valentines but because of my unemployment status. Oh shit, it's been what, 10 months? And I am becoming soooo impatient of just trying to live life within my birth place. My friends planned to hike today but due to my unemployment and my mother depends on me when it comes to caring for my Lola, I was left out. I was crying after my friends left due to frustration that I cannot even push my simple limit. I was really frustrated that the hell, just that simple thing., I can't even make possible attending to it. I was holed up in this house and I can't even go to a place which was 50 kms away. Sucks. And to think that I was so ambitious and wanted to go on an adventure, I am so trembling with dismay and stress about it. I WANT TO LIVE MY FUCKING LIFE. I pray....and ever since I pray, I always just ask for guidance to God and always give thanks. I tried not starting my prayers with "Sana po...." but always just ask Lord to please give me a stronger back to whatever things that may happen and every obstacles that I might face. My life was too lifeless to begin with, I can't see any obstacles yet and if that obstacle is to become patient then maybe I was already passed it (with law of diminishing effect, I've got a lot of practice with patience already that it was becoming thin and I was becoming impatient...) and I want a new obstacle. So I pray to God, starting this year that I just want an opening and when that opening or an opportunity came, I'll grab it and hell after got accepted or entered that door, I will go doors after doors after doors after doors and will not stop with whatever openings that might come. Just an opening to leave this hole that I've built in my comfortable zone... I want a new adventure... just Lord please, an opening... an opening to start to live my life.

All throughout this year and even through this politically made day, that was all I think about. Tears fall...this could be tears for my sad future because I am doing nothing in this present.

*Notice the pace of changing the topic of Valentine's day to my troubles?